Some final thoughts

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So as the train takes us back from Inverness to London, here are some final thoughts and learnings for anyone else silly enough to try this......

If it says it's an A road on the map, but it looks like a motorway and smells like a motorway then it probably is a motorway and if you choose to ride on it, it will probably kill you.

You get to learn that a lot of it's about nutrition, your body is a machine which needs the right fuel. A delicate blend of scotch and fish and chips is not the right fuel.

Spend enough money on equipment, particularly bikes, for the record the Trek and the Le Monde were more robust than the Giant but whatever you use, ensure they are really well maintained by people who really know what they are doing - thanks Neal and Craig at Trailjunkies.

Get Ms Wooding to sort out aches and pains as early possible. Her support was fantastic and included sending us a new set of ankle strapping instructions in the middle of the night ready for application the following morning.

Do enough training and not only will you make it, you might even enjoy it, we did some 2,500 training miles over the last five months.

Travel light but not quite as light as Graham who was mildly embarrassing to be seen with of an evening.

Greetings from John O'Groats

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The last day started much as the first one had at Land's End; Grey, cool and misty. As we went out across the bridge onto the A9, the sign informed us we had 120 miles to John O'Groats. The first miles were rather uninspiring as we ground north through the damp Scottish morning. The only highlight being our first and only puncture which took two inner tubes to fix and then onto Tain for breakfast after 37 miles.

The next 43 miles to our lunch stop were much improved, the sun came out, the road swept down to run along the coast and the collection of interesting aches and pains seemed to abate. In fact the morning proved so excellent, we completely lost the plot and visited the Clynelish distillery, and after sampling their delights we returned to the bikes feeling no pain. At Helmsdale, our choice of restaurant was heavily influenced by the advice Chris received from probably the only transvestite in Caithness who seemed transfixed by the idea of wearing tight lycra shorts for a week. It somehow followed, therefore that our lunch stop, La Mirage, was owned by an apparently famous Barbara Cartland look alike who had passed away the week before. The place was clearly in mourning and we felt moved to consume our fish and chips quickly under the watchful gaze of the 'other Barbara's' publicity photographs.

The next 36 miles to Wick was unexpectedly the most testing of the whole week. A combination of tired limbs, the wrong kind of food at lunch, scotch and some of the steepest climbs and descents proved very challenging and actually a great way to bring our adventure to a close. After a brief stop in Wick, a rather shabby place that had clearly seen better days, we completed our final 17 miles to John O'Groats through a strong head wind and drizzle.

The majority of the material you read from End to End cyclists on the final destination will typically include phrases such as "You should not underestimate what a dump John O'Groats is..." and we wouldn't disagree. We got some photos taken by the famous sign which oddly stated 874 miles to Land's End, exactly the same distance our trip computers showed.

We felt a certain satisfaction when we met a team of End to Enders all dressed in their designer cycling jerseys and revelling in their athletic prowess having completed their journey in 10 days. "How long did it take you guys" they enquired, eyeing Graham's 20 year old gardening fleece with disdain. They looked rather crest fallen when we told them and went off to stroke their frightfully expensive titamium bikes.

Greetings from Inverness

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What a fantastic day. The manager promised to be up and about at 06:00 to let us out of the Bridge of Orchy Hotel, this gave us slight cause for concern as Graham spent the previous evening winding him up as he kept getting our order wrong in the restaurant. We thought he may have developed a pathological need to get his own back. Thankfully he turned up, all be it a bit grumpy.

Our route took us through the highlands to Fort William. The beginning of the ride was cold and misty, majestic red deer with those amazing antlers appeared to observe our progress from time to time. As the mist cleared the vast and timeless mountains came into view, peaks still crowned with snow.

Then there was the bit that made all those freezing January mornings of training seem utterly worth while. It was the long descent from Ranoch moor down through Glencoe. The early morning sun was burning the mist off the tops of the mountains as we swept down into vastness of the empty green glen.

Fort William provided an excellent breakfast, a large supply of drugs for the mounting number of aches and pains and a robust bollocking from a Police woman for cycling in a pedestrian precinct.

The A82 is the road that takes you through the Great Glen and along past the lochs. We had a late lunch on the shores of Loch Ness and then back on the road going against a strong wind which was pretty taxing. Arrived at Inverness at about 6. Maple Court is an excellent hotel however we are a little concerned about security so we have all the bikes stacked in the bathroom.

As I finish this e-mail Graham is making a noise strangled pig combined with a fog horn and Chris is measuring up the shower to see if his mattress will fit. Night all.....

Last leg tomorrow!!

Greetings from Bridge of Orchy in the Highlands

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Slightly interesting day in the health department. Chris' knees are starting to play up, Sam's Achilles has swollen up to a remarkable size and Graham says his rear feels like it's been through a shredder. So all a bit nervous about tomorrow. Mind you a great day in store, Fort William to Inverness via the Great Glen. 

Today left Abington at 06:30 headed for Glasgow. The Scot's really know how to do cycle paths. We had a cycles only path which was literally the size of a good road, it probably had been one.

Went south of the city via East Kilbride and over the Clyde on the Erskine bridge. That took us to Loch Lomund and along the shore line for twenty miles and on into the Highlands. Another 20 miles under the brooding mountains, green, blue and grey in the evening sun.

Bridge of Orchy Hotel is a lovely old place, full of walkers (mostly Dutch?) As this is an important way point on the West Highland Way.

Hilarious sun tans!!!

Greetings from Abington

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We thought it a cunning plan to send a red cross parcel to each of our destination hotels containing vital supplies for the following days ride, you know the sort of thing, nutrition bars, protein drinks, carbohydrate gels etc. Much of this gear, Graham weighed out into small plastic bags before sending them off to the hotels. I'm sure you can see where this is going....

Well we didn't actually have the drug squad waiting for us at the Abington hotel, but we did have a receptionist who took a lot of convincing of the innocence of our pharmaceuticals.

We got it a little wrong today, we were rather cocky after surviving our 'longest' day yesterday. So we didn't set out from Lancaster until 7. Wonderful day though, bright sunshine as we headed off to Kendle and the Lake District. Second slight error of judgement was the 15 mile climb up to Shap, one on the Lake districts finest hills and at 6 mph this took us rather longer than we thought. Coming down the other side at 40 was rather fun though.

The third error was a long lunch in Carlisle and then onto Gretna for the required photos next to the Welcome to Scotland sign. By the time we had finished tea in Lockerbie we realised it was getting on for 6 and we still had 30 miles to go.

Great, empty road to Abington but really hard work and we got here at 8 ready for beer, bed and very little else.

Everything is still more or less holding together apart from a bike that keeps slipping into neutral when not changing gear and a bloody painful Achilles tendon. Bums are of course feeling the effects of 500 + miles!

Glasgow city centre and then on into the highlands tomorrow.

Greetings from the North, Lancester actually.

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Brief note today as we are all pretty shattered and need to hit the sack.

The day did not start well for Chris as due to Graham's snoring, he felt compelled to drag his mattress into the bathroom at 2am to get away from the noise, he then complained of having tinnitus for the rest of the day. Longest day today at 144 miles and a real day of contrasts.

We left the excellent little B&B, Rossendale House at about 7 and peddled out through the faded elegance of Leominster and off into the Shropshire countryside. For those of you who don't know this county, it has wonderful old villages and countryside quite untouched by time. Really worth a visit.

Late breakfast at Whitchurch and a brief encounter with an unhelpful man in a bike shop who needed a lot of encouragement to lend us a pump.

Onto the industrial heartland of Warrington, over the Manchester ship canal and into Wigan just in time for rush hour which was hell as we picked our way through traffic lights, round abouts and car drivers with really very small brains. 

The A6 from Preston is another of those big empty roads, great for cycling especially with the Pennines bathed in evening sun shine as we peddled along to Lancaster. The Greaves Hotel is cool, our bikes are all locked up in the wine cellar and Graham's promised not to snore, we'll keep you posted.

Scotland tomorrow

Greetings from Leominster

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Good day today, we left Tiverton at 06:30 after an interesting night at the Riverbank hotel. As far as we could see, we were the first people to have stayed there for months, when we asked what to do with our bikes our hostess said "just leave them in the lounge, they won't get in anybody's way." The beds, like the breakfast were hard and cold. 

Great ride on the A38 to Bristol. This is one of those old trunk roads, little used since the motorway opened and virtually empty on a Sunday morning. Got into Bristol about 10:30, great seeing the Clifton suspension bridge, on through the industrial wasteland of Avommouth and on over the Severn bridge and Lunch. The Wye valley was at it's most beautiful as we peddled along on our way to Monmouth. Tea in Hereford and got into Leominster about 7. 


Bikes and bodies seem to be still in reasonable working order. We only had two 'Craig' moments (Craig being Trailjunkie's daemon mechanic) when Chris' chain came off and Sam's gears developed a will of their own. Touch wood, so far we have had no 'Wooding' moments (Amanda Wooding being Berkshire's coolest physio) as knees and other bits seem to be holding up well. 

Up early for the 145 ish miles to Lancaster, sampling the delights of places like Warrington and Wigan en route - Oh Joy!

Greetings from Tiverton

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It wasn't there, the Land's End sign that is, they only put it up at 9 O'clock otherwise 'the official' photographer loses trade, or some such rubbish. Anyway Neal of Trailjunkies fame took us to Land's End for 06:30 ready to set out in the very Cornish mist and rain.

We thought we'd stay on the A30 (big main road) for a chunk of the day to get some miles in. So we ground out 50 miles of fairly busy road before breakfast. The only real highlight was a few miles of as yet unopened new dual carriageway which we sneaked onto. Rather nice peddling along your own empty road.

After a deeply unhealthy breakfast, we did another 40 miles on the A30, at one point we caught up with a huge tractor going at 25mph which we tucked in behind and let it suck us along for some miles.

Now clearly I wouldn't agree with Jeremy Clarkeson when he says that "if cyclists worked harder, they could probably afford to buy a car", however I have considerable sympathy with his views on Caraveners. At one point an out of control caravan nearly swated Chris as casually as one might swat a fly.

Last 40 miles was on wonderful country lanes, some pretty horrid hills between Crediton and our final destination, Tiverton. Got to Tiverton at about 6 and just had a great meal and fine beer in a local pub.

Greetings from Penzance

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A number of you have asked to be kept up to date with progress on our Land’s End to John O’Groats (LEJOG) cycle ride this week. For those of you who didn’t ask (the vast majority) consider this diary something of a distraction from your daily grind. Over the next seven days we will try and provide some mild amusement, as we share with you the trials and tribulations of three men in the throws of a mid life crisis, as they attempt to complete this notorious cycling challenge. We are:

Graham, fifty something, Gentleman of leisure and sometime buyer and seller of slightly surprised companies. Graham’s been chief route planner and responsible for training scheduling. As he insists on starting training sessions at or before 5am, Sam and Chris have always considered there to be certain greatness to his lateness. Wife Sue and family Eleanor and Henry all believe he’ll make it as by common consent; Graham is built like a ‘brickshithouse’

Chris, forty something, an unreconstructed bean counter who’s current role involves draining away what’s left of this year’s National Health Service budget in support of the world’s largest (and some would say most dubious) computer project. Chris has been the scourge of local physiotherapists in an attempt to make his knees function like those of any normal human being. Wife Helen and family James, Tom, William and Victoria think he probably make it, all things (particularly knees) being equal.

Sam also forty something, a management consultant who still believes in Father Christmas, that people actually like management consultants and that if he spends enough money on his Giant SCR1, he may end up with a bike that actually works. Thought by many (specifically Graham and Chris) to be rather unprepossessing in Lycra. Sam’s wife Manda and family Jack and Harry simply snigger and look at their feet whenever the conversation turns to the probability of him actually completing LEJOG in seven days.

So that’s us. In terms of who or what we are doing this ride for, Graham is by far and away the most noble, as he is raising money for the British heart Foundation and Aldworth Church. Chris and Sam are unashamedly doing it for fun, although they’ll probably sponsor Graham if he behaves.

All being well, our route will take us from here to Tiverton tomorrow night (Saturday), Leominster on Sunday, Lancaster on Monday, Abington in Lanarkshire on Tuesday, Bridge of Orchy in Argyll on Wednesday, Inverness on Thursday and John O'Groats on Friday night. Naturally, this week’s weather forecast is for rain!

Finally a big thank you to Sue, Manda, Helen and all the kids for putting up with our extended absences during training, Amanda Wooding, arguably the coolest Physio in Berkshire for sorting out our knees and Neal and Craig from Trailjunkies who have carried the weighty responsibility for keeping our bikes working whilst graciously relieving us of most of our disposable income for the past few months and for transporting us down here to the west country today….

Time for bed then, Land’s End at 06:00 and the start of our 900ish mile ride, I wonder if the famous Land’s End sign will be there….?